Worrywart. Contentment. Attitude.
Apr. 2nd, 2005 11:59 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
porphyrinI worry about *everything*; before I recognized that I had MDD (major depressive disorder), I knew I had GAD (generalized anxiety disorder).
Current worries are that we won't find anyone willing/able to rent this place, and our psycho landlord, who refuses to provide us with a copy of the lease, will demand a year's worth of rent from us (that we don't have). That the deal for Art Thief Central is going to fall through because the repairs won't be done in time (the company that made the original stained glass in 1905 is *still in business* and has contracted to do the replacements), that the move will be as traumatic as our last one, that we'll. Never. Make. This. Work.
That Roo will fall and break his head open and spill his brains out everywhere. That my new job coworkers will hate me.
Und zo weiter.
But right now, sitting in the sunroom after a long walk up to the Trial Gardens (all mulched with hints of green poking through) and then a pause by the U of M metal cows to watch the raptor people rehabilitiating an owl with careful physical therapy, and then coming home and having an omlet with ham and mushrooms and white cheddar cheese, and looking at my friendslist and just sitting sleepy in the sun with 89.3 playing...
...I am not worried. I am content.
This is a rare state of affairs; I don't know how to create contentment. I don't know how to carry it with me as I go through my day. It's hard for me to even let go enough to acknowledge that I can in any way be *happy* after the last two and a half years.
I don't know how I got in the habit of thinking of my life as horribleness lightened by moments of peace, but there's got to be another way to turn this around. I have every, and I mean *every* reason to be happy, with good friends, a roof overhead, a fabulous husband and an equally fabulous child.
In short, I want to figure out the 'trick' to being content with where and who I am, in the present.
What do you do to change your viewpoint when it feels like the world is falling in on you?
Current worries are that we won't find anyone willing/able to rent this place, and our psycho landlord, who refuses to provide us with a copy of the lease, will demand a year's worth of rent from us (that we don't have). That the deal for Art Thief Central is going to fall through because the repairs won't be done in time (the company that made the original stained glass in 1905 is *still in business* and has contracted to do the replacements), that the move will be as traumatic as our last one, that we'll. Never. Make. This. Work.
That Roo will fall and break his head open and spill his brains out everywhere. That my new job coworkers will hate me.
Und zo weiter.
But right now, sitting in the sunroom after a long walk up to the Trial Gardens (all mulched with hints of green poking through) and then a pause by the U of M metal cows to watch the raptor people rehabilitiating an owl with careful physical therapy, and then coming home and having an omlet with ham and mushrooms and white cheddar cheese, and looking at my friendslist and just sitting sleepy in the sun with 89.3 playing...
...I am not worried. I am content.
This is a rare state of affairs; I don't know how to create contentment. I don't know how to carry it with me as I go through my day. It's hard for me to even let go enough to acknowledge that I can in any way be *happy* after the last two and a half years.
I don't know how I got in the habit of thinking of my life as horribleness lightened by moments of peace, but there's got to be another way to turn this around. I have every, and I mean *every* reason to be happy, with good friends, a roof overhead, a fabulous husband and an equally fabulous child.
In short, I want to figure out the 'trick' to being content with where and who I am, in the present.
What do you do to change your viewpoint when it feels like the world is falling in on you?
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no subject
Date: 2005-04-03 11:45 am (UTC)