Worrywart. Contentment. Attitude.

[porphyrin]

I worry about *everything*; before I recognized that I had MDD (major depressive disorder), I knew I had GAD (generalized anxiety disorder).

Current worries are that we won't find anyone willing/able to rent this place, and our psycho landlord, who refuses to provide us with a copy of the lease, will demand a year's worth of rent from us (that we don't have).  That the deal for Art Thief Central is going to fall through because the repairs won't be done in time (the company that made the original stained glass in 1905 is *still in business* and has contracted to do the replacements), that the move will be as traumatic as our last one, that we'll.  Never.  Make.  This.  Work.

That Roo will fall and break his head open and spill his brains out everywhere.  That my new job coworkers will hate me. 

Und zo weiter.

But right now, sitting in the sunroom after a long walk up to the Trial Gardens (all mulched with hints of green poking through) and then a pause by the U of M metal cows to watch the raptor people rehabilitiating an owl with careful physical therapy, and then coming home and having an omlet with ham and mushrooms and white cheddar cheese, and looking at my friendslist and just sitting sleepy in the sun with 89.3 playing...

...I am not worried.  I am content.

This is a rare state of affairs; I don't know how to create contentment.  I don't know how to carry it with me as I go through my day.  It's hard for me to even let go enough to acknowledge that I can in any way be *happy* after the last two and a half years. 

I don't know how I got in the habit of thinking of my life as horribleness lightened by moments of peace, but there's got to be another way to turn this around.  I have every, and I mean *every* reason to be happy, with good friends, a roof overhead, a fabulous husband and an equally fabulous child.

In short, I want to figure out the 'trick' to being content with where and who I am, in the present.

What do you do to change your viewpoint when it feels like the world is falling in on you?

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

I play "What's the worst aspect of this?" This mostly entails looking at things and realizing, well, if I was laid off, I am still educated as an engineer, there are lots of jobs out there that would love to have me, I have a husband who loves me, three great kids, and even if we go broke, I have a great family that can help me and I'll work at Caribou Coffee. Besides, I'm sure that your new co-workers will like you; you're much to nice to not like. And if things with the house don't work out exactly right, well, you can either figure out what the contingency plans are right now, or realize that you can deal with it when it comes. Apart from that, I pray, which also calms me down and helps me focus on what's important.

Hope this helps and I wish you lots of goodness and joy.

Heathah

[dorianegray.livejournal.com]

I write gloomy poetry. Luckily, I do not often feel like that (lucky both for me and for the world, which probably does not need more gloomy poetry).

[matociquala.livejournal.com]

What do you do to change your viewpoint when it feels like the world is falling in on you?

I check to see if it's the bad brain chemicals. If it's the bad brain chemicals, I go for a walk or get up and dance until I feel better, and then have caffeine and a beer, or maybe some chocolate. (Yay, self-medication)

If it's not the bad brain chemicals, I may actually be overwhelmed. At that point, I make a list of everything I need to do and then I start doing them--here's the trick--starting with the easy ones first. Doing five easy things is much more satisfying than doing one hard thing, and also much easier.

And gives me the mementum to hit the hard things running.

Oh, and if I can, I delegate. Which doesn't happen often.

[diatryma.livejournal.com]

I come up with worst-case scenarios-- really bad ones. The worse, the better. Eventually, they get ridiculous and I laugh at them. Of course being in one dorm rather than another won't cause the end of the world by plague... but it's funny thinking of it.
I think it distracts me from thinking of legitimate ways things can go wrong, too.

[pegkerr.livejournal.com]

Mm. Try yoga. Seriously. That's all about being present in the now.

What do you do to change your viewpoint when it feels like the world is falling in on you? I retreat to the bathtub with a tried and true comfort book I've read before.

[porphyrin.livejournal.com]

I still have the (still-shrink wrapped) 'Yoga for Dummies' video.

Do you recommend learning from an instructor to begin with?

[pegkerr.livejournal.com]

I started with Yoga DVDs because I had no choice. With young kids and no time/money for the gym, all my exercising was done at home. Now I occasionally take a class at a studio across from my office.

You might take a class to give you an introduction to proper form (lots of studios will offer a free class or two to new students) and then if you don't have time/money to inclination, try a couple DVDs. Check out videofitness.com for suggestions.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

I am so the wrong person to ask this question.

[porphyrin.livejournal.com]

Why? :)

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Silly girl. Because my solution is generally "put my head down and work harder and wait for someone to forcibly remove me from whatever I'm working on and talk to me sensibly."

[safewrite.livejournal.com]

I took Zoloft for years (none for quite a while now), suffered from depression for years. I still fight small battles with it. Poetry may be an outlet for you; I know that I at least wanted to describe it so that people who were NOT depressed could understand what it was really like. There was satisfaction in describing it accurately, if nothing else.

When I am depressed I tend to stay in dark, indoor places. I find that light, air and beauty do wonders. And music. I avoid depressing lyrics because they only make things worse (just try being depressed while listening to the music from "A Charlie Brown Christmas" *grin*).

And knowing you are loved is the best thing to have and remember.

Here is an exercise: Imagine that you are as loved as you need to be, and that all of your needs will be taken care of. Got that? Has it sunk deep, deep into your soul? Good.

Okay. Now, that is reality. What you were feeling before that was a lie. If you believe at all in a loving God, feel the shift as you realize that this is true.

Love you.

[svb1972.livejournal.com]

When I feel that.. overwhelmed.. I usually go to sleep.. because.. I know that with the way my brain works.. i'll always feel better in the morning.. especially since my chance of forgetting what made me feel so overwhelmed. is like 90%

[relentlesstoil.livejournal.com]

I fake it 'til I make it.

[relentlesstoil.livejournal.com]

But if I have rage (it comes often these days), I let it out. Scream into a pillow, punch things. That way I don't scream at or punch people.

[dichroic.livejournal.com]

Sounds very Harriet Vane (ref. Busman's Holiday), and in her case it did take a few years of things going well before she could recognize it emotionally. Granted she's fictional (see, I do know the difference) but it's not bad advice: ease up and don't try to force yourself to be content or happy overall. Just deal with "this one moment which is quite nice really" until it sinks in that there are enough of those moments to add up to a majority.

And faking it's not a bad idea either, because a) it's probably better to seem content in your field, when dealing with people whose world is falling in and b) often how you behave becomes how you feel, rather than the converse.